Dear Friends and Family,
Revenge of the Nerds!!!! Recently I was looking at the top movies of 2012 and noticed a trend! NERDS! I spent a great deal of my life (all of it unfortunately) being a nerd so I can spot a trend when I see it. I can spot it, log it, track it, document it, analyze it, and even (preferably) over analyze it! Since I turned 40 this year I declare the year 2012 my greatest year…the year of the nerds! I am fully qualified to declare this. Christopher Columbus was an explorer and discovered America. He got a day named for him. George Washington got a bunch of folks to vote for him for this new thing called President. He got a day dedicated to him! This is easy?!?! I want a day too!
You see from the very beginning I was a tried and true nerd! I spent most of my middle school years dressing up in camouflage acting like I was a green beret soldier. If the USA needed me I would spring forth like John Rambo! Of course this was all in my mind as I had no actual skill or physical ability. Other kids went out to the movies…I stayed home with Mom to catch the most current Dukes of Hazzard, BJ McKay & His Best Friend Bear, and Incredible Hulk episodes. When MTV come out many just watched the videos…not me…I recorded the video countdowns on cassette tape. Just picture this dork sitting right up to the television with my recorder touching the TV speaker (it made the sound even better) waiting for the next keyboard sensation to roll across the airwaves! I actually enjoyed getting braces (and endured the pain that came along with them) because it meant we got to go to town and I could go to the comic book store?!? Then of course somebody had to catalogue, seal, sort, and value that comic book collection!!?! No computer (since they didn’t exist) involved as I’d get out the paper and pencil and the Overstreet Price Guide on Friday nights. I’d listen to my recorded MTV tapes and document the condition and value of the entire collection. So freaking fun! Not to mention I’ll be worth millions!!! In high school Susie was busy getting voted to homecoming courts, going to parties, and joining social fraternities. I had no time for all that?!? I was busy in jazz band, show choir, select chorus, Robertson County Players, marching band (trombone), student council (Class Treasurer), and paper staff. Sure all those activities might not seem the coolest but don’t let all that sway your opinion I was also very athletic and part of the coolest team in school…cross country! If you can’t do anything remotely athletic just run! Worked for Forest Gump and he’s super popular?!? I also had a sweet ride…I purchased my grandmother’s brown Buick Skylark! I’d spend all day every Sunday washing it, dressing the tires, and detailing the inside. Every other Sunday I’d wax it (yep, I waxed it every couple of weeks)! Every sweet ride needed BASS so mine had it. Countless hours went into designing the perfect system for optimal bass to speaker size/trunk space ratio. To relax I’d spend hours playing my mini hand held Pac Man game. I got to where I’d memorized the pattern to win the game and didn’t even need to look at the screen. Sure all that time could have been used to find a girlfriend but who needs that…there’s always Ms. Pac Man I guess?!? When I went over to my friend’s houses who had an Atari or Commodore game system I’d get lost for hours. All my friends would give up the ghost after several hours and move on to different tasks…fools! The aliens are attacking! The ghost are going to get Ms. Pac Man!?!? My Mom wouldn’t let me have a video game system in the house for fear that I might never move out. Of course she doesn’t come right out and say it that way. Publically she states it was for my ‘own good’, but I thought one time I even heard her call me a ‘nerd’ under her breathe. In high school I happened into a little class called Accounting! Oh my!!! This is something new…and amazing…and perfect…and balanced…and spreadsheeted!!! Lotus 123 (a MS DOS precurser to Excel) was the single best thing I’d ever seen in my existence!!? Think about how fast I would be able to get my comic inventory done every week now?!!!?
Luckily now that I’ve grown up I’m a totally cool, tall, athletic, handsome, popular guy! Long gone are the days of being chased down the street by the neighborhood bully. Outrunning him most days even with a fully loaded down backpack (complete with every book from every subject) and trombone case! Nothing but being totally super cool for me now (as anyone who knows me well clearly knows)?!! Not!! So I’m still a nerd. So be it!
So upon reviewing a list (which is a nerdy thing to do in itself) I find that this year the biggest movies were super hero, video game, sci-fi, or military related! My favorites! Amazing Spider-Man! Prometheus! Avengers! Batman! Wreck It Ralph! Act of Valor! Hunger Games! People are paying hard earned money to learn about stuff I know like the back of my hand!!? NERDS! Then of course there’s everyone’s favorite company? Apple! Why? Because we can’t keep ourselves from being tethered to our devices. I came up with the idea for a device that had all my lists (comic and otherwise), calendar, songs, etc. on it like 15 years ago!!? I missed the phone part (minor detail?!?!). How was I supposed to know we’d have phones in our pockets?!?! Anyway people finally have what they need thanks to Steve Jobs (rest his soul) one of the biggest, obsessive, compulsive nerds of all time! NERDS! I am obviously a nerd so having you normal people finally come around is nice! Finally! It took you all long enough?!? I’ve had to wait this thing out for 40 years?!?
So I, Joey Dean, being of sound mind (!!?!) and body do hereby declare 2012 as the year of the Nerds! Since I have made this proclamation I proclaim myself as the presidential galactic leader of the legion of nerds and demand that someone somewhere create a public holiday to honor me at some point in the future! Go Joe!!!! [nerd reference]
Since I’m a nerd I’ve taken flack over the years for the yearly long winded chronicling of the Dean life in this annual letter. Rightfully so! This year and forevermore I will do my best to shorten things down a bit. So here are the highlights from 2012:
I developed a strange addiction to a game app called Tiny Towers where you build a skyscraper and are in charge of it…mine hit 100 floors before I came back to normal life! Mark that off my life’s bucket list. I screamed at the TV a lot as I rooted for my Crimson Tide in what many considered a boring championship game…I didn’t care one bit! January was “put Daddy in an early grave car repair bill month”! Daddy’s Ford-rrari went into the shop in late December for a ‘cab off engine rebuild’. That is actually more expensive than it sounds…and it already sounds expensive. Then Mom’s Taxi ran the tires off her car. Heck while its in the shop getting tires lets get some other stuff checked out…yikes! I didn’t know a car had that many parts?!? Mom’s taxi is back and ready to roll…hopefully for some time. I now hate cars. The answer? Bikes Bikes Bikes! Many of the little Dean’s have outgrown their little kid bikes so our garage is now full of big boy and girl bikes. We did our best to hit the hills, streets, and trails of Tennessee most all year long. I even did a little gymnastics one night on one of my nightly rides down to Déjà Vu (a local gentlemen’s club where I tell Emily I’m leaving for each night I ride). Tormenting her produced some bad karma so I did a nice flip over my handlebars on West End Ave. in traffic?!?! I didn’t stick my landing as I’m a nerd and not athletic. I should have stuck with running!?!? The boys spent a ‘very small’ amount of time (at least that’s our story to Emily) on the couch playing video games (most importantly Call Of Duty). In March we got really tired of paying a million dollars for a tank of gas along with the rest of America. Later in mid March we took down our Christmas tree?!?! Hey, life gets busy?!?! We watched Emmaline slowly cover ever single inch of her room with pictures of One Direction. She sunk several hard earned dollars into the most expensive concert ticket I’ve ever seen to go see them (next year?!?!). I tried to get her to go see a talented artist, Skrillex, but she evidently didn’t think going to a concert with an old man is too cool. I went without her and drug Emily along against her will! Preston won a Best In Show Award (and several others) across all Davidson County Schools for a movie he helped create. He also won a big check for his school!. We spent Spring Break in Florida with Mimi & Pops and Emily’s family.
Speaking of school…homework…Mom did lots of homework…four kids worth of it…heck, she’s been to school 5 times now?!?!? Max and Mom slept with the sharks in Gatlinburg on Max’s 4th grade overnight field trip. Emily survived that to make it to her last 4th grade end of year musical…which she almost didn’t survive. What are you crying about lady? We pontooned at Lake Barkley with Gran and Golfball and my sister’s family. It was our first family vacation without Preston…he had to work?!? Welcome to the game called life big buddy!!! Emily survived that as well…but barely! She is so excited that all her ‘babies’ are growing up. NOT! I fear a rough year ahead as she ships little Baby Preston off to college. I took in several late night movie premieres during the summer with Preston. Max even stayed out late with us for the Batman midnight premiere. I got to sit and watch Emily ogle Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney for a night at LP Field. We survived several of the hottest days I’ve ever witnessed on this planet (lot’s of McDonald’s Cherry Berry Chillers helped…#obsessed). Mimi and Pop’s took us and Emily’s family out west to Vermigo Ranch and we did a lot of fishing, horseback riding, and gun shooting. I watched all the women on the trip ogle at the hot, rugged lodge manager. Amazing to see their sudden interest in wildlife and how many questions they had for him…”let’s ask Bill (or whatever his name was) about…[insert silly excuse to contact Bill here]”. “Bill, where can the boys go hunting?” “Bill, where can we find a fishing pole?” “What time is it?” “I don’t know we should probably ask Bill.” “Bill?”. “Bill, is the sky blue?” Bill, Bill, Bill?!?! Sickening?!?! On that trip Emily and I climbed Hermits Peak in New Mexico with Cameron and Jayne. Year two climber badge for Joey and Cameron. We had a roadside wild west flat tire pit crew challenge in the middle of nowhere Colorado…”Time Me”!!!! At the end of the trip the Dean family took in a Coors plant tour in Golden,CO.
We watched the Olympics…actually I just watched Emmaline ogle the men’s swim team. Emmaline went to Washington DC for Youth Choir Tour over the 4th of July. She was there during the major power outage which added a fun (hot) wrinkle to their trip. The other kids went to their regular church camps. Molly got braces! BRACEFACE Alert! We took in a creekside bonfire at Pipa’s farm…Max shot skeet for the first time and hits his first two clays like a pro. All that Call of Duty ‘training’ must have paid off. We shipped the kids off to school. No more elementary school folks in this house. Preston (17) is a Senior at Hillsboro, Emmaline (14) is a Freshman at Hume Fogg, Molly (12) is a 7th Grader at JT Moore, and Max (11) is a 5th Grader at JT Moore. We went to a bunch of Max and Molly’s soccer games. Molly made the team at school. I took Emily to the emergency room with some sort of pain in her side…we got her fixed up and ready to take care of all of us again! Thank goodness! In honor of my company opening our Memphis office I became mildly obsessed with Memphis style barbeque ribs and forced my patient family to tag along on this tasty journey. Emily ran in the Warrior Dash again this year and came home really muddy! Yuck! We went to my sister’s wedding…yeah Mr. Justin!!! Senior Pictures?!!? Emily was a mess again…this could get really bad! Preston took and retook the ACT until he was satisfied with his score. This old man turned 40 years old…not young…old! We watched our two little girls get baptized on the same morning. We spent Thanksgiving with Hogdaddy and Theresa and Emily’s family on the farm eating, motor sporting, cow tending, and shooting. This year our whole family really got into The Walking Dead show. We regularly huddle together on the couch protecting each other from zombie attacks. We are currently preparing for the end of the world (Mayan calendar apocalypse, Obama reelection apocalypse, fiscal cliff apocalypse, zombie apocalypse, sunspot apocalypse, whatever comes first apocalypse). Max ironically was born on 12/21 so his birthday will mark the end of time (at least according to the Mayan’s). I knew that boy would turn out to be special!!! We are holding off on buying his birthday present until we see how the whole end of time thing works out!?!? Might as well save a few bucks if we can!!!!
Emily and I just do our best to keep up with the comings and goings of our middle school and high school scholars. Time sure flies when your having fun! We hope all is well with you this holiday season. We hope to cross paths with you soon! Until we meet again…”Live Long And Prosper” [final nerd reference]!!!!! Have a great 2013…if we all make it that far!
Joey, Emily, Preston, Emmaline, Molly, Max, S’more and Jesse James